bjs

like most things in my life - i found him online.
just another grindr hookup - but being the priss fool i am, a hook-up for me was a coffee/drink somewhere public in fear of :
1 - not really liking the person
2 - being drugged and anally raped

turned out he could meet me one afternoon after work - and that day i just happened to be working at a coffee shop / restaurant / bar

tbh, after the fist meeting, i was not quite sure if i wanted to see him again. he was only a bit older, but for some reason i didn't think we had that much in common.
even now still - thinking back, i am not sure if we ever had that much to talk about.
after the first meeting, we met for coffee again.
and after that, we went for a swim together.
he had this F U C K I N G amazing body, and after the swim i knew i wanted to touch him - all over...
but still, the us getting on part was touch and go - lots of silence, but at least it was not of the awkward/uncomfortable kind...
it was a while before we had sex... he went away for a couple of days, and we were both admitted that we wanted to have sex with each other, and it was decided that we would do so as soon as he got back - adult sleep over - with lots of nakedness and sex.
that night happened to be on christmas day - but first we went to a house party - got high, and went home and had probably some of the best sex i've ever had.
that's another thing - i don't think i would ever know if the good sex was one sided - we never really spoke about it.
and i don't blame him for this - i know it's me and my fucked sense of trust and being/getting comfortable with men. i need to work on it i know this...
the only thing that got to me - besides him not falling madly in love with me as all men should - was the fact that i was not the only one he had sex with - and it shouldn't bother me, but it does.

now he's back home - and i don't know if i will see him again.